I never did follow the crowd. In fact, I never really followed a crowd. It’s been like this since I was in elementary school. Perhaps it’s a good thing. Perhaps I was given a spiritual gifting at a very young age, without fully understanding it.
Reflecting back, I feel I am nudged to be a rebel. Not the rebel kind that we often associate negative connotations with like a rebel fighter or a person involved in anti-social behaviour. For me, a rebel is someone who goes against the upside standards of this fallen world, whose feet remain firm in the biblical truth that is the LORD Jesus Christ.
Personally, I want to slip through the net into obscurity. I have attempted to become what the world would see as “normal” but it seems like at every worldly opportunity God is preventing, if not, protecting me and encouraging me to be myself, for what He created me to live and be, as a child of God.
Only one viable option remains, and I am earnestly discerning if this faith-based path is where God wants me to walk to build and serve for His Kingdom. I also want to know if this path will only serve to help with someone else’s hopes, dreams and ambitions, or whether I have the best imagination in the universe and that all this time my brain has literally gone AWOL in Alice in Wonderland.
The one thing that keeps me sane into believing that God is indeed laying a path for me to walk on is the value and reward of ploughing the fields as a Christian believer, whilst pursuing God’s own heart, which remains my utmost priority in life, despite feeling emotionally fragile. The one thing that attracts me to this faith-based path is that I genuinely see great potential to reap a bountiful harvest, all for the glory of God. Yes, a bountiful harvest!
I have also noticed that God has placed people, mostly older brothers and sisters in Christ, which seem to wedge open doors of opportunity and ways to collaborate and build and serve for the Kingdom of God. I am excited of the potential, and I am indeed fearful of the life-changing potential. I carefully use the word potential, because there is no such thing as fairy dust, especially when working on the fields, where there is much demand for manual labour. We often pray for a miracle, but sometimes God will want to use us to be part of that miracle (and live out as members of the Body of Christ), so that we can recognise His amazing work and anointing of the Holy Spirit within us, as we play our role. We simply cannot expect God to click His fingers and voila – our prayer has been answered, and we ourselves have sat on our backsides.
The really encouraging factor about responding to this faith-based path that is currently available to me is that I have nothing to lose. And I still believe this is NOT of my making, nor would I throw myself in the hope to gain something. I am likely to grow deeper in my faith and relationship with the LORD, but nothing material that our deceiving hearts would lust over and worship. I know hands-down that this is indeed a Christ-centred thing to do, and it’s very relevant for today’s society in the 21st century.
At the end of the day, I don’t want to build my own kingdom. I am also aware of the potential success factor that such project / venture would garner, and I know that in such circumstances, suddenly people will think they are your best friends.
My parents struggle with the long-term path that is currently available to me, as they would prefer me to live a “normal” life. I empathise with the underlying hurt of my parents who feel for my constant rejections both worldly and Christian, and I can only begin to understand the spiritual confusion they sleep through every night wishing and praying for me to return back to normality. I remind them again and again that I still have my faith in the LORD Jesus Christ, and I trust that the LORD will provide, and that there are enough blessings to outweigh the negatives.
Above all, if I forget to remind myself and live out the promises of Scripture that my Heavenly Father loves, cares and provides for me, then I will indeed fall. At the moment, I have a limited timeframe to respond and I know the LORD wants me to step out of the boat and cast my net. Once I find my Speedos, I shall be ready to respond…