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I wholly apologise for not catching up with my epistle writings. The past month, I have been overwhelmed in preparing for two sermons for two different types of congregations. One for the people who attend the Sunday evening service, and the elderly brothers and sisters in Christ who attend the monthly Sunday afternoon service.

It was overwhelming, as I wanted to make a positive impact – not to impress the pastoral or leadership team (or take delight in myself either), but mainly to please the LORD. I wanted to be sure I was preaching His Word with reverend fear and of God’s authority, and that it was His voice and Word and not my own ideas and opinions.

Overall, I am humbled by the impact of the Holy Scriptures. Whether people have gained anything from the delivered Word is beyond me, but I sincerely pray and hope that a glimpse of God has been engraved in their hearts and minds, regarding the Armour of God from Ephesians 6:10-20 – and knowing Jesus as the True Vine from John 15:1-11.

Today’s reflection comes from a troubled state of mind. I truly live in a challenging phase in my life, where in my own opinion it is a moment of a make or break. Conversely speaking, I feel that God is so divine in His patience and grace that He may indeed want me to wait a little bit longer.

I rely on God to bounce off my rants, and then it filters to my parents and close friends – and at times with select friends on Twitter, but really that is one of the negative aspects of being a single Christian. It’s the lack of privilege to have a dear friend to share your moans. Unfortunately for God (and I know He doesn’t see it like me), I feel that He is up to the task to listen to my rants.

The troubled state of mind comes from the expectations of what a local church may desire of either their current pastor or even a prospective associate or senior pastor.

I am created in the image of God. I affirm the biblical truths that are written in the Scriptures. And yet, one’s image and self confidence is affected when one receives advice to change oneself. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that God calls on us to be superheroes, but we called to serve His Kingdom Come, disciple and baptist believers in God’s Living Word – and proclaim the Good News of the LORD Jesus Christ.

Come as you are… the words of “Just as I Am” comes to mind.

Perhaps I have been reading the wrong translation. For the curious among you, I tend to read the NLT, ESV and now the NASB.

I am not a Billy Graham.

I am neither a C.S. Lewis

I am definitely not a Mark Driscoll.

I love the approach and style of Charles Spurgeon, but I am neither him.

Perhaps a Nicky Gumbel (voice wise), but still, I am not him either.

John Piper is inspiring, but I do not want to be him either.

Truth is… I don’t want to be the persona of anyone else, other than pursuing God’s own heart, which is a challenge and a half.

Is the pursuit and respond to pastoral ministry not down to calling and character? Why is there a sense of a manufacturing process to engineer the traits of some popular speakers and charismatic communicators of today? Steve Jobs is a fine example.

Perhaps if the Church actually focused on training the young adults of today to be natural leaders of tomorrow, and actually got behind them with real encouragement, mentoring and prayer support – maybe we will see a revival across this land – spanning the horizons and all four corners of the earth sooner, rather than later.

~Richard