Remember that classic scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? You know, the last movie of the “original” trilogy, the one before the flopped sequel, Indiana Jones and the Golden Zimmer. Anyhow, towards the end of the movie, Indy encounters three testing challenges, in the search of the holy grail, in a race against time to save his Dad… *dun-dun DUN!*

On Wednesday, I have taken the first baby steps of what could be a significant leap of faith. I am still earnestly praying that THIS is of the LORD, and not my wild imagination. The funny thing is, other Christians can recognise it as a godly vision from God. I however, want to crash through a nearby door and create a Richard-esque silhouette, because I am afraid, even though various circumstances and confirmations seem to point me in this very direction.

Last weekend, I felt compelled (out of the blue) to pen a 7-point header with regards to this *vision* that I firmly believe that the LORD has placed in my heart since 2008-2009. Three days later and I end up with a 4-paged layout of a rather detailed mission plan, which I am sure represents the beginnings of a formal business proposal.

This *vision* in a nutshell – without spilling any beans, is actually NOT about me. I am not even doing this for myself. However, after tallying nearly 200 rejection letters with regards to closed doors (vocational and secular), I am beginning to think that God has been speaking to me all this time – and quite possibly – answered a very specific prayer that I asked God several years back. As a result, I want to formally test the waters and see if THIS is where God is calling me out to lead and pursue this vision. The weird thing is… I don’t know how 4 pages of stuff flowed out so easily.

Ultimately, I personally have nothing to lose, and I don’t even know what is there to gain, but seeing a glimpse of the bigger picture with regards to this Kingdom-focused vision, I am genuinely excited… actually I bubble with excitement. And this whole season that I feel the LORD is putting me through, the tallying rejections of around 200 closed doors – well, I see it as two things.

Firstly, I know God is (and has been) preparing and nurturing my heart to remain faithful in Him. I know He is helping me spiritually, emotionally and mentally – that through Christ, I can overcome my fears and failures. And if this is truly of the LORD, He will provide the right doors, and bring the right people to make this happen – in His perfect will and perfect timing.

I am also aware that God knows that I am not interested in pursuing a self-made career like regular folk, and I firmly believe He still wants to use me while I am single, as I strive to focus more on Him, as I desire to grow and solidify my relationship and faith in Him, and Him alone. I am also aware that God has planted me to observe and volunteer for a local Christian community centre. And I am in constant awe, as I recognise God at work through the anointing power of His Holy Spirit.

Secondly, if God really wanted me in a regular job, then He would have provided a job ages ago, and I wouldn’t grow excited about this vision all this time in waiting, as I would be so self absorbed with my own desires and selfish ambitions. Why keep a child waiting for over 18 months? There is absolutely no logical reasoning behind this ridiculously long gap, and I cannot depend on mindless human knowledge to attempt to understand God’s divine purpose, unless He is indeed working behind the scenes, and that He has a very specific plan for me – only, if I am willing to trust in Him.

So now what? Well, I have formally initiated the cogs to pursue some light freelance work as a short-mid term option to hopefully secure temp work in the meantime (I like to call it a fake business). I am doing it to buy time, whilst I reach out to relevant start-up advisors with this Kingdom-focused business proposal.

Do I know what I am doing?

My honest answer is simply “No.”

However, I am only *now* choosing to respond to this Kingdom-focused vision that has been troubling me as of late, and I have asked God, “Is it I LORD? If so, here I am.”


2 comments on “Is It I LORD?… Here I Am LORD

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