It’s been a while since I last penned an entry. Quite honestly, I have been earnestly seeking refuge in the LORD, as I almost lost my own footing with life itself. It has been a struggle to focus on anything. And yet, the LORD has never lost focus on me for He is my Heavenly Father, nor has He taken His eyes away from me.

How do I begin to reflect? I shall be reflecting in chronological order. All I say to tease you to read further is that there have been more blessings and miracles than anything else, which has led me to feel overwhelmed.

Prioritising Health

I have officially returned to the local gym once again, after an 8-week hiatus. I signed up to a gym that opens 24/7 and it only costs ten quid ($15) per month, which is extremely affordable. It’s a snobby-styled private gym, but it’s run like a cattle gym, hence the membership is cheap. It’s also a gym where you need to buy your own padlock, and it requires a special pin code to access the main building and changing room facilities. The latter is handy, but can be cumbersome if one needs to dash to the toilets when nature calls. Let’s just say, it is perhaps best to avoid the gym if you develop a bout of diarrhea.

Finding Hope

During the month of October, I had one employment lead that could land me a full time position. It is not where I want to be in the sense that I want to “change the world” through this Kingdom-focused vision. How naively ambitious are we young folk? However, the job would help me secure an adequate wage to reinvest with regards to this Kingdom-focused vision. No way can I even consider settling down with life, when I know the LORD isn’t calling me to settle down. I still want to fully test and pursue with this Kingdom-focused vision first, and of course, I cannot walk ahead of the LORD, hence why it feels when you read my reflections – my heart carefully desires to pursue this particular path in life right now, but in God’s perfect timing.

As some of you know, one of the reasons that I wish to secure employment is that I am keen to secure extra certified training and develop indirect experience in the hope to gain a sense of “credibility” and appear “attractive” towards potential investors (that is what my brain tells me, and again, it’s amplified when I read relevant business articles regarding wannabe start-ups). Unfortunately, I am unlikely to secure practical hands-on experience in the areas that I want to learn, because there is too much competition for me to even be considered for such a trivial role. As a result, I need to source external courses and learn from there.

In the meantime, I will [need to] focus on the more advanced and/or technical stuff that an entrepreneur needs to think about and act upon, hence I am rekindling with all things related to design and IT. What can I say, there are the future in today’s culture. My original intention was to secure a job in branding, but I have such a weak portfolio from one corporate-esque company that even I know won’t get me very far. It doesn’t stop me from learning the latest trends, whilst I develop my own digital portfolio (web and graphics).

Vocational Pause

In recent weeks, I have been wrestling with a vocational post that is based in the west coast of Scotland. It is of an “evangelical” nature, so the post is most likely rigged for internal candidates of that denomination (and/or congregation). If that is the case, then it proves that reformed circles can be really touchy about allowing the LORD to truly reveal Himself through the anointing works of the Holy Spirit (outside the Scriptures), as applicants will have been “predestined” before the role is ever advertised. I have seen it first-hand, and quite frankly it makes the Government look innocent without shame. Anyhow…

[Disclaimer]: Although I have been hurt by the Church on two occasions, I don’t blame the Church. I forgive the people, including those who think they are above God. I actually feel sad for folk in church leadership, as they are consumed by the human agendas of “running” a church, and fail to truly live by the power and authority of God’s Word and anointing works of the Holy Spirit to equip people through discipleship by teaching God’s people to remain steadfast in Him through Scripture and by Spirit. I also feel sad for the Church, as we often watch those in the leadership fall from grace, and we tune in like it’s a soap opera – but if we are not equipped to look after each other, and the pastor(s) is/are too prideful to allow anyone to step in to disagree with them and rebuke them in biblical teaching, then what can you do – other than pray for God to convict the individual?

As a result, I am reluctant to apply, because all churches need the WHOLE support of EVERY Christ follower within the body of Christ to minister should they wish to nurture the next generation. It is not a one-man job. I find it absolutely puzzling that local churches expect to “employ” (or should I say “call”) a know-it-all hipster to do everything related to youth ministry, and yet they slap on a limit for a youth pastor to minister to those of under 18 years of age.

It’s a shame that churches typically ignore the general population of millennials (a.k.a. Generation Y), especially those up to 35 years of age. My original intention was to apply, simply to seek God’s confirmation, and to fully learn where my current short-mid term focus should be: youth, employment or entrepreneur. I was also wanting to send a quick e-mail to learn if the role is open to those outside the local church. It’s funny, because I have yet to do so.


I mentioned earlier about my last (and only) employment lead. Well, it’s a strange one. From the moment I seen the advert to being offered the advertised role (a day after my interview, which is quicker than an Amazon Prime delivery)… it does seem unusual. Curiously, the job is actually inside a church. It’s not a vocational role in pastoral ministry, it just so happens that an old church is converted into office space for organisations alike to use.

It’s a salaried role where I get to fulfil two underlying passions: people and technology. Essentially, I will be teaching others to use technology in the third sector, which is a sector I am keen to learn more about (and partially relates to this Kingdom-focused vision). I will also be doing regular travelling around Scotland without me having to purchase a car, which is a *real* blessing – so I’ll be able to save sufficient money. Although, the role is a 1-yr internship, there is a real potential in securing a permanent position, which is also incredibly encouraging, but also rare for intern roles, especially here in the UK (unless it is with multi-national corporations like Microsoft or Google). The weird thing about this whole intervention is that I applied for the job when the advert seemingly expired by 30 days. Not knowing whether the deadline was a typo or what, I applied within the hour after seeing the advert, as the job naturally appealed to me.

These are the vague details that I am choosing to share at this stage. The real test to my faith is now waiting for my designated referees to respond, so HR can begin to process my paperwork and background checks, otherwise it’s a no-show job. It’s been a week since the job offer and still no further progress. I can’t tell you if this is normal, as lately I have been involved with Christian organisations exploring vocational opportunities. Hopefully, I don’t need to source alternative referees. It also doesn’t help when one is out of touch with professional referees due to the ridiculously long wait to secure a job in the first place. Even when the references come through, I will need to wait a wee while yet. Should everything flow accordingly, I should be starting in early December.

Meanwhile, I have to remind myself daily that EVERYTHING is in God’s perfect timing.


2 comments on “Pending

  • Men too often simply think like men. Christian leaders so easily forget that they are not the leader – ‘don’t call anyone father, for you have only one father.’ We need more Jesus style leadership: godly, reflective, quiet and listening, like in John 8:6. As a pastor said to me last weekend: too many churches run on a business model and forget that we are just people who meet together because we love Jesus.

    • True. It doesn’t help when the pastor is also considered the “line manager” of a local church. You would have thought God is the head of His Church. At the end of the day, we as the body of Christ should be more proactive to serve, engage and minister to those outside the walls of a church, where a pastor is traditionally confined to in his personal studies and pastoral engagements.

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