Around a month ago, I felt compelled to pen a reflection regarding an issue that troubles me every now and again. It’s only lately that I want to voice in writing and share.

I am always amused when a bloke professes his typecast description of their wife or girlfriend. I’m siding with the guy’s opinion, as we are wired with simplicity compared with women. Blokes often pride themselves when they refer to their female companion as the most beautiful person in the whole wide world.

Please note, I am neither jealous, nor do I lust for such clichéd quality, but truth be told, there is more to a person than a pretty face, and besides, everyone ages over time. Anyone is capable in marrying a beautifully stunning Mrs or a handsomely charming Mr, but we all melt like wax. Of course, some age more gracefully than others.

So, where am I going with this seemingly random reflection? Is it because I am reaching a funny age in life because my parents are moaning about a lack of grandchildren, never mind the fact that I also lack a godly wife? For the record, my parents will always moan, even when I tick their boxes. Fortunately, they both know that I strive to pursue the LORD as my primary love interest.

What genuinely bugs me is that folk generally fall head over heels with outward appearances and masked qualities. Marriage, presuming that is a couple’s eventual desire for one another is a joint journey that should be intertwined in Christ from our spoken wedding vows lived out in love, patience, endurance, encouragement, wisdom, and humility. Technically, this process ought to be exemplified during the puppy love stages of dating and courting. And I also take a leaf of encouragement from our Korean youth pastor from SaRang Community Church who dated his wife, as he sought marriage and not casual dating.

I still have this thing about marriage… like it’s a mysterious transformation when two become one flesh. The weird thing is… the first year (or two) is usually the hardest for any newly wed. I mean, all of a sudden you have a ‘till death do us part’ companion 24/7. Humanly, I would initially find it new (single child alert), but of course exciting, especially for those of us who are saving ourselves for Christ, which we hope to share with our spouse (i.e. sexual intimacy, the prospects of raising a family, etc).

I’ve noticed from observing other couples in their lasting marriages that the biblical companionship is fleshed out when a couple matures. I am also aware that opinions are changing with regards to the roles of men and women in a household. I still hold to a traditional outlook which may lure interest from a conservative Christian woman from the States, or locally whose value is affiliated with the FIEC church. Otherwise, you can guess why I am still single. Despite my complementarian views, it doesn’t stop me being trained for the role of a “house husband” a title bestowed to me by quite a few folk. Besides, it wouldn’t surprise me if my future wife earned more than me, which technically makes her the breadwinner for the family by a financial margin.

Understandably, the generation of today’s millenials (I include myself in this category) are fairly reluctant to commit in marriage, never mind form a simple friendship to see where it leads (be it a sustaining friendship or something else). Blimey! Have you not seen a generation arch their backs and necks, as they obsess themselves with a rectangular-shaped glass component for hours on end in a single day? Is life really comprised of only Facebook?

I recognise that finance and careers both top a young person’s mind, especially for someone who is either actively pursuing both, or at least has a formal higher education. You’ll be surprised how a paper certificate can elevate a prideful heart, as we assume God is going to hand deliver a perfect person based on our nearsighted judgement in what we want (or what we think we want). In recent years, I have surrendered that false concept, though I am cautious of a person’s “interest” in me.

These days, I tend to hedge low in that I am not actively searching. Gosh, it was hurting to previously say no to offers of so-called interest, mainly because of my former limbo situation, but I didn’t believe a friend of the opposite sex could help me in a very dark season, but rather, I needed my Heavenly Father.

I know I have at least one more thing to pursue, before I formally desire to settle in a marriage. At the same time, I admit to feeling nervous when I stumble upon my future wife, once I seek this one thing that I keep reflecting upon, time and time again, as I don’t want her to find me attractive for the wrong reasons (i.e. money, status, success, humour, etc).

So yeah… It is interesting to say the least that I do not see my future wife at my local church, or workplace, or from college or university, or from a friends daughter, or a friend of a friend. Besides, I like an organic approach, where God is in control and behind the scenes. I want to choose to trust in the LORD, as I want Him to provide the best for me in my available time of growing and knowing in Him, in His perfect timing and when I am ready and willing to receive His blessing for me.

My utmost priority is still pursuing my first love in the LORD Jesus Christ (and even when I am married). It is paramount that He is the centre of my heart, soul and mind. And I am confident the LORD is still equipping me for all walks in life, for His greater purpose, for His glory and His Kingdom come.


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