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Last week I have felt rather challenged about life. I will try my best to articulate a reflection that doesn’t trip me up regarding things that I cannot yet disclose. So, for those who still journey with me, all I can ask is that you look beyond the lines of this reflection.

For a quiet person to sit in an office of gossip-filled lips, my ears has a good daily stretch. I don’t participate or contribute to the gossip, because I am still an outsider looking in. But my goodness, I hear the latest news from pretty much all areas of the business which I find encouraging and discouraging, all at the same time.

I couldn’t help but hear a passive story regarding a person (not related to the Company) who left for a better salary. A passive comment was made which immediately triggered the electrical chords of my mind. It was along the lines of some folk are motivated by money, but really it should be one’s vocation. The comment came from unexpected lips.

The timing that I heard this passive comment was striking because I am still young, and I am not attached to terms and conditions if it were (whatever you may choose to read and believe that line of thinking). Indeed, it’s an exciting time and stupendously tempting to explore fanciful opportunities, whether it is a short-term stint or a potential long-term prize.

I did stumble upon such fanciful prize, which would take me out of my comfort zone, but not really where I currently want to be – not now, for a whole variety of reasons. I didn’t expect to receive any response, so of course I was flabbergasted to learn a week later of an invitation to prove my worth. I find it a tad ironic, as my current experience is proving an attractive commodity – both Christian and worldly experience. I had to re-read of this prize that compelled me to knock on that particular door, and I’m still stunned of this perceived interest.

I will know towards the tail end of this week, or possibly next week if this is of the LORD. Even then, I will not know for sure. But what I do know is, if that does indeed signal green, I can invest in new pastures that will indeed nurture my Spirit, but my health will suffer and I’m not too sure how I can work on this Kingdom-focus vision. Regarding the latter, I will be surrounded by new ideas, concepts and contacts – whatever that entails.

If it’s not of the LORD, I remain base. However, my Spirit will stagnate, but my health will strengthen. And yet, I feel it is key to remain base here, so I can develop and work on this Kingdom-focus vision.

Why the underlying reference to this Kingdom-focus vision at the point of a potential junction that my flesh is hungry for change, yet I feel the LORD is asking me… “What do you want? Is *this* what you want?”

Remember the Christian charity that I served for several months last year. Well, the duo founders split. One has remained to fulfil the vision (even though it is a watered-down vision of what they set out to do), whilst the other has moved onto charismatic callings. I don’t know the internal affairs, but I know the outcome of the charity now. Curiously, on Saturday morning, I received an e-mail out of the blue from the remaining co-founder wanting to meet up and catch up.

Curiously the founder who is still present urged me (when I was volunteering at the time) to let myself go, and let God control and guide my path. I was given a stern warning to respond now to this Kingdom-focus vision, before the torch and vision is passed to someone else who God can call upon to pick up the pieces. I have mixed opinions on the latter, but I will trust it to be true, as a believer should really respond to a vision that we believe is from the LORD.

I’ve already let go of many things in life, including under-developed friendships and I’ve surrendered various desires, mainly to focus on this Kingdom-focus vision. I have already allowed God to guide me and provide for me. My flesh is frustrated for working in the third sector, where I should be hitting it big. However, my heart is content and I am willing to serve where I am, until the LORD opens and closes doors of opportunity. Yes, my walk with the LORD is active in that respect, and I worship a *Living* God… and not the kind where one gets excited to hear eloquent words by man. Just give me God’s Living Word and I’m excited already.

I have also been challenged in who to approach and consider (and re-consider) for partnerships for this Kingdom-focus vision. Curiously, an immediate family member will soon be available to partner. The area of expertise is of the construction sector, and the networks gained over the years. This Kingdom-focus vision will need areas of “white space” to serve among the community and beyond. It makes sense to secure an internal consultant, but not as a co-founder. However, there is a genuine passion and gift in financing. When I mean gift in financing, I am talking Rain Man esque calculations. As a result, I am willing to invest my own money to train such family member to the formalities of bookkeeping and accountancy, especially in the area of taxation, law and regulations.

Gut-reaction co-founder still hasn’t changed due to expertise in discipleship, teaching and a bold heart and tongue. This Kingdom-focus vision will focus in discipleship and training people, upon acquiring a paid opportunity to serve among the community and beyond. But the bold heart and tongue is rather key, because it’s the fearless response that I clearly see would give glory to God. If only more believers had the boldness to stand for Christ and speak the truth.

My own personal expertise is more down to the mushy modern stuff like design, photography, technology and web-related stuff. Interestingly, my current opportunity has opened up my understanding of thin-clients and server management, which is key to managing multiple white spaces including the managing and training of peeps. I have no idea, but the past few years I have developed a wild fascination with cybersecurity and trying to be secure with my digital assets from personal e-mail accounts, web sites, online accounts, and domain portfolio. Blimey, I have even gone OCD to generate random codes merely to access personal e-mail and social media accounts.

Why is this Kingdom-focus vision so encapsulating? My theology books is gathering dust, whilst my journals in shares, business and technology is screaming for my attention. I can spend the remainder of my days to understand the definitive Greek, Hebrew, or the hipster meaning of a passage of Scripture across multiple translations of the Bible… or I can treat my days here on earth, as if I was living my last day. For someone who is still young, I shouldn’t really care about my last day, but live like there’s no tomorrow. I think of my last day on a frequent and disturbing basis.

When the LORD calls me home, I know my Heavenly Father isn’t going to quiz me about my theology or whether I have questions about a particular word or passage of Scripture. I am likely to be questioned in how I have used my time here on earth, from the moment I became born-again to how I served to build for God’s Kingdom Come.

My flesh tells me to not bother with this Kingdom-focus vision. My Spirit tells me to respond to this Kingdom-focus vision. My heart tells me to team up with others to act on this Kingdom-focus vision.

I know those around me are fearful. Others don’t fully know how this will work (neither do I, but I have received guidance). I know this Kingdom-focus vision will stand against the giants of this world, but if God is on our side (and provided that this Kingdom-focus vision is of God and from God), then we have nothing to fear. Our bodies are weak. We want to rest and we can easily find ourselves complacent. I know I am exhausted each day from work, hence this prize will help to strengthen my Spirit, but due to the location and lifestyle, my health will likely suffer.

If God called me to ministry, then it would have happened if I were to bow before men and seek favour from such leaders. And yet during seminary, the LORD revealed this Kingdom-focus vision to me.

By God’s grace, He still gives us the free choice to respond. I feel compelled to make disciples, but not inside the doors of a local church, where complacency is of great number these days, but in the harsh reality of our given world that is only temporary as we know and learn from Scripture, but to fish for men in the open ocean is something that is worthy of our time for the glory of God.

~Richard