It is rather ironic to have applied for a role which strives to engage with the corporate world to promote a “work-balance” lifestyle. First and foremost, I personally believe a true work balance lifestyle can only be achieved if one was self-employed, as you govern your own working hours.

Secondly, I am a single – for the most part, out of choice. Therefore, I obviously miss out in my own home-brew family unit and the responsibilities that follow suit. Understandably, a work-balance lifestyle doesn’t always apply to members of a working family. Being a single child, I myself may choose to spend my time to support and care for my parents, but ultimately, a work-balance lifestyle is typically overlooked for single peeps. And from what I’ve heard from inside circles of an HR source, if a single was to exercise the work balance lifestyle for personal development purposes, it will likely raise suspicion and be frowned upon.

The same applies for singles who feel compelled to serve in pastoral ministry in the capacity of a church leader. The local church will likely reference 1 Timothy 3:1-7 instructing [insert perfect candidate] is family material, with a proven wife and kids. There is also a hidden agenda that the family are easy on the eyes, charismatic, and have wholesome skills to help with the multitude of ever-growing list of ministries.

I find the local church a tad discriminating towards single adults. Most of the time, a preacher or minister will prepare and deliver a message for the average family, but the young or single adult is overlooked – much like your lack of single adult ministry. The segregation is worse in Evangelical circles, where groups are divided by gender. What a great concept to promote unity! Typically, church ministries will consist of a daycare group for the mothers, a men’s bible study group (if you attend an Evangelical church), and a fellowship group that caters for the elderly saints. There is a void that targets and serves the young working adults – the very same sensitive generation who are making a cultural impact in today’s culture and society. I don’t judge local churches that do not offer such ministry, as I don’t shop for churches – but I believe there is a lack of generational discipleship among churches.

The Single Issue

Whilst some singles will crave for the perfect spouse. Some of us don’t feel the urge to chase an upgrade in our marital status, as a result of the ever-growing fear of loneliness, or as the latest trend to gush over friends. It’s also cumbersome for the single, when married couples tend to clump in their friendship with other married couples. Only married couples of a seasoned generation will befriend a single. It may also explain why I have a famine of friends of my own age group.

The sad reality is that married people are also lonely too, but at least they have the companionship of one another to embrace life together, and share each other’s burdens. Perhaps I am reading my dictionary upside-down, who knows.

You see, I grew up without any brothers or sisters. During my tender childhood, I recall Dad ploughing through work during the day, going to evening classes at college, and working overtime during the weekends. Mum was mainly based in the house looking after me. We kept each other company, which also helped Mum, as she left behind her life and native family back home in East Asia. Eventually, Mum picked up some local jobs, which revolved around school hours.

I had limited friends as a kid, and I still have limited friends even today – something that I can count with a single hand. Curiously, my genuine friends are often mature in age (but not necessarily older) – the same applied when I was younger in school. I got along with some of the older kids at elementary and high school. The same goes with the workplace. I don’t know why. Perhaps we have time for each other.

And yes, I appreciate the accountability to not overly spend time with ‘friends’ of the opposite sex, when you are married – I just think it sucks to shut the doors on certain individuals, when the whole world is promoting equality and diversity, whilst the Church are trying to promote unity as the body of Christ. Where is the unity of the Church when you close the doors of a fellow believer, never mind a non-believer?

And despite having no biological brothers or sisters, I have a wealth of adopted brothers and sisters in Christ, which admittedly, I never fully know how to comprehend or develop in relationship. Perhaps it is my single child instinct. I don’t know. Although I have been known to willingly give my time and attention to others – no matter whether they are Christian or not.

However, I do know that my singleness and contentment of solitude is mentally dangerous, as I have nothing to lose – an expression that I have used when I endured a long period of formal unemployment. I am *hoping* there are no parallels to depression, however I am frustrated in wanting to pursue a healthy friendship / relationship that ultimately proves fruitless or a complete mismatch. As a result, I choose to guard myself (says he who journals online) and lately, I am learning to guard my time from the worldly distractions. And yes, both do not help if you want to be married and tie the knot in today’s distracting culture. After all, it takes two to tangle, which I appreciate and acknowledge.

Anyhow, I have four A4 sheets of paper that I must unfold and seek counsel and guidance in moving forward with life, not for my sake, but in addressing this Kingdom-focus vision.

P.S. On Friday 21st April 2017, I successfully ported over a prized web domain from GoDaddy to Namecheap, since acquiring the purchased domain (answer to prayer) in late January 2017. Things are moving slowly, but at least in a forward direction.


One comment on “The Single Discrimination

  • Open hearted as ever. I have a friend in the ministry who is single. He pastors an international church in Germany. Their elders were looking for an American family man, but God sent them a single Brit. He wasn’t looking for a move of church. They were listening to God who spoke to them clearly, and they obeyed. Perhaps rare, but prophesy in action in our day.

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