Never would I live to see the day where I find myself married to my work. At the original time of writing, I have 17 days left from my 26-day annual leave entitlement. The last time I took a full week of annual leave was back in May. And yes, we don’t have public or Christian holidays, because the Company is run by a bunch of heathens.

Like what I’ve been saying for a while, I need a life!

Since penning this original draft, I have now booked a week of annual leave. Not only have I peaked 95% burning out with the job, but I am literally so annoyed with myself that I will be using much of my time to regroup my mind and realign my heart in the LORD. Not quite the cliché answer of going to Majorca for a week and bask my face with UV rays. Besides, only the LORD can give me the sufficient rest and grace-filled energy to sustain my days.

And yes, this is how I process my daily thinking – like a monastic monk living in the Isle of Iona on the western coast of Scotland.

I will likely consume my physical time to rethink this Kingdom-focus vision and see how the industry has changed since I penned the original draft during my time of unemployment. For the purpose of forcing my brain to focus on this overly-ambitious project, I have codenamed the project as Operation Disruption. I hope this will encourage me to Think Different as it were. It will always be a Kingdom-focus vision, but I want to move in a forward direction and move beyond my limited pool of financing.

I have long spent too much time trying to acquire another salaried role, either with more pay or with a marketing-centric role. There goes 8 months gone into nothing. I never knew how hard it is to secure that replacement job and it’s nothing to do with a lack of personal determination. I just never knew that I need to be a blue tit, whilst proclaiming your proven skillset repeatedly like a man child that has the attention span of a goldfish. Stuff that carry on! I will just need to learn to wait for the LORD to provide. If He wants me to receive a particular blessing, He will provide.

I have also been struggling to discern if the LORD is axing every single opportunity that I look at and apply. It implies that I am destined to stay put. Either I am not trying hard enough in the worldly sense, or the LORD is protecting me from harm (i.e wandering sheep syndrome).

Maybe God wants me to experience the hundreds of literal rejections, so I can learn to trust in Him to provide in EVERYTHING. It is so expected in my mindset to be instantly rejected that I am gobsmacked when I am considered with a keen interest. Instead, I am suspicious and reluctant. This is sadly also evident in relationships. Someone likes me? Mmmm… What do they want from me?

I may choose to journal my week ahead regarding Operation Disruption. By the time this ever sees light of day, it will have been a disruptive operation.

I shall close with Words of Scripture.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
-Psalm 139: 23-24 (NLT)


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