This past week, I experienced a [subtle] burnout and I’m still alive! Hooray!

I knew I was burning out with my job, but I only thought I was making up figures when I said I was 95% burning out.

Last week, I took a week off from work. It was mostly to chillax the physical body and work on the Kingdom-focus vision. The last time I took a good week off from work was back in February 2017, which is some 7 months ago.

I’m not exactly married to my work, but I have found myself serving in a diligent manner. Unfortunately, in the social care sector, my time and energy are both sapped by needy people, flaky IT systems, clueless management, and understaffed colleagues who excel in the “working families” mantra.

As a result, I am stuck in a deep rut, which I cannot escape or climb out of, unless I literally pull the sanity plug. However, it wouldn’t end well for me.

To put my job in light of “regular” jobs, there are days where I fly solo to support over 2,000 frontline staff and business support staff across mainland Scotland. And yes, in another reflection, I wish to share of the countless miracles where the LORD protects me at work and gives me instant solutions at work, despite working on a flaky system that fails on a daily basis.

The first three days of my week of annual leave, I actually struggled to switch off from work. My sleeps were good, but my mind couldn’t focus on anything productive.

I maybe spent a good afternoon with my Dad gutting out the garden and going to the local recycling depot. Exciting, I know. But it’s always a nice feeling to discover muscle in places I never suspected of having muscle the next day.

As my Dad rarely asks for help due to pride, I offered to help. I was more concerned he would overdo himself. I often forget that he is a walking miracle and has full motion to achieve anything physical. I cannot help but love him, so I willingly helped him anyway.

My only regret was not doing a driving range session with Dad. However, looking back, I am certain I made the correct decision. I didn’t want Dad to overdo himself which involved a driving range session with his friend the previous day, on top of gardening and visiting the local dump, and another potential driving range with me in the space of 48 hours.

Friday was good, as I fellowshipped with a dear brother in Christ.

And then came the weekend.

Curiously, I was most productive towards the end of the week to develop and review the Kingdom-focus vision. However, I was most annoyed with myself, as I lost valuable days to even focus on the project.

Every. Single. Time. that I choose to work on this project, something happens. I either get distracted, or my health kicks in, or I lose focus.

It’s not like I am not interested. Far from it. I do sense that a supernatural force is preventing me from working on this project. The recurring pattern is that I am too tired to work and develop this, due to my exhaustion from work. Gosh. If I am getting burned out simply by taking time off from work, can I not enjoy my rest to be with the LORD?

In all honesty, I genuinely need prayer support behind the scenes, because I suspect the evil one is using my health to make me tired for anything, especially from the moment that I clock out of work.

Even last Sunday wasn’t my best sleep (the day before work). I twisted and turned throughout the night. I am certain I only slept 3 winks before waking up on Monday morning.

Monday was very weird. I was extremely groggy. My nasals decided to flood like Niagara Falls and my response was slow and weak. It was that bad, I asked the LORD to protect me home, as I had Dad’s car to drive back home. I ended up blasting the radio and allowing cold air to circulate the car, simply to keep me awake.

Because I was overcome with a weird groggy feeling, I didn’t take any meds over the counter, as I didn’t know what was wrong with my health.

Fast forward 24 hours and my grogginess had almost left me. At the original time of writing on Tuesday, I am 95% recovered and back to my normal self.

After sharing with a few colleagues upon my return to work with regards to my weird experience, it appears that I have indeed experienced a nasty burnout.

I am going to deliberately see this burnout as something the LORD wants me to experience and endure behind the scenes. Forget that I’m taken advantage of at work, with colleagues asking me to do their workload and others working from home like nobody’s business.

My faith is telling my brain to endure a little longer at the job because if I am indeed called to fulfill and pursue this Kingdom-focus vision, then I really am throwing myself under a bus in terms of energy, time and skill. It’s going to be an even tougher environment. It’s going to be initially stressful… all for the benefit of others to receive a blessing from the work sowed across the foundations of an improvised form of ministry. And you and I know that blessings don’t grow on trees!

Above all, I genuinely need to acquire prayer support for my (1) health; (2) spiritual protection, and continued (3) Godly wisdom to seek the LORD. Three prayer points. No Biggie.

The challenge in life is to find faithful prayer warriors who don’t gossip about one’s business, but maintain a sense of integrity in one’s prayer.


One comment on “When Your Body Collapses

  • Very honest. Delve into God’s Word. It is great comfort and support. The Enemy will distract you through illness; God will draw you to Him through weakness. Nothing will separate you two, and even if the fig tree does not blossom, rejoice in the Lord, He is your stronghold, He makes your feet as steady as a deer, He steadies you as you walk on mountain heights.

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